Am I the only mom who feels like she battles daily? Not just over what shoes my almost two-year-old will wear, or with the older kids over who’s turn it was to feed the pets. But what I like to call “Me” battles — battles I face against myself and my guilt!
Here’s an example:
Me {thoughts each morning}: My husband works hard all day long to provide for our family, giving me the ability to stay home with the kids. I long to welcome my husband home with a clean {or at least a non-tornado zone} house, a big smile and “welcome home” kiss, and an empty recliner to relax in as I complete dinner, as a small, but oh-so deserved “Thank you” to him! And, I can’t forget the kids in this — I am so blessed with my kids! I really want to surprise them with homemade muffins for breakfast tomorrow, so they don’t have to eat pop-tarts {cringe} every day…
Me {thoughts each evening}: I have worked all day…I haven’t sat down for even 10 minutes alone. Baking?! {HA!} The house is still a wreck because of the F-3 tornadoes (kids) that follow me everywhere I go, destroying triple what I clean. “MOM!!” Dinner is burning. Homework needs completed, all {needing} my help. “Momma?!” How long ago did the dryer stop?! “Mommy!!!” I still have 3 more loads to go. I can’t believe he just came in and disappeared — 30 minute bathroom breaks alone?! — I’m doing good to sneak away and get 30 seconds. “So, how’s your day been today?” — He’s really wondering what I’ve done all day since it is worse now than when he left…I just know it! “MOMMMM!” Is it bedtime yet???
Okay, so maybe that’s a little exaggerated, but the truth is there…I have such good intentions on being the best wife and mom I can be each day, only to fail each evening with a battle to balance my mom/wife roles with taking care of myself. I can’t ever seem to get “enough” done…ever. But I feel guilty sitting down when so many things are undone. And don’t even get me started about how guilty I feel when my sweet husband sees that I somehow didn’t manage to get the dishes done, so he comes home and starts washing for me. He’s supposed to relax after a long day’s work. But then, wait! When he does sit down (even on the toilet) to relax (haha, if that’s what you consider it), why do I then feel jealous and frustrated because I’m still fussing at the kids to get their homework finished?!
Over the last year, I’ve slowly learned that I am a better wife and mom when I carve out “me” time. I fight with the guilty feeling every time I ask for my husband to watch the kids so I can go out for a bit…guilt because he deserves a break, too….guilt because he’s worked all day…guilt because “if I were the mom/wife I should be, I wouldn’t be asking to go away, but would want all the time I could get with them!”…guilt that In leaving him with cranky kids and a long list of un-dones (my new name for my to-do list)…guilt guilt guilt. But, after I go, each time I come back feeling thankful and happy to have had some adult interaction or maybe even a little quiet thinking time, neither of which are norms for my stay-at-home-mom life….I feel renewed and ready to face another week with the attitude that I’ve been trying so hard to have and keep.
So, I know it helps…and I know I don’t ask too often…so, why is it such a daily battle? Why do I feel guilty for taking off my Mommy hat to take care of me? Why do I let my failures of each day build up until I can’t handle anymore, which leads to an ugly cry on my husband’s shoulder after the kids go to bed, which immediately tells him that I need a little me time? Why do we hold to so many unnatural, unattainable goals we are “supposed” to have/do as moms/wives?
I’m still learning — I’ve finally pin-pointed at least part of the problem for me…Mommy guilt, which directly leads to my lack of care for the “me” as Mommy/Wife. Now, to work through the solutions.
Now for the interactive part of the post…
How do YOU balance the life/motherhood/marriage with your own you time? Do you have Mommy Guilt? How do you get past it? {Please don’t tell me it’s just me!} What secrets have you found to help {you know, besides going to sleep in hopes that it’ll be different tomorrow}? My husband is so sweet and supportive and wants to help, but, other than suggesting that he tell me to go out for a bit, I don’t know how to tell him to help. What does your husband do to help?
