marriage – Desires of my Heart Blog

In Bloom | Book Review

marsha0727 — Fri, 25 May 2018 20:13:07 +0000

I don’t know about you, but I am pretty sure that if there were pictures in the dictionary, you would find mine right beside the word “insecure“.

So, it’s no surprise that I was thrilled to read this book as soon as I saw the title:

Because, who doesn’t want the Biblical kind of confidence in this thing called life?!

So, within even the first few pages of this book (I am reviewing the digital version), I knew this book was written for me. Kayla is so completely honest in this book about her life, her fears, her insecurities, her mistakes, from adolescent age to adult…that any mom cannot help but relate to something within the pages of this book. But, most likely, you’ll be like me…laughing…crying…nodding your head…and wondering how she could possibly know so much about you when you know you have kept it hidden well beneath the walls of your life.

I wanted to be able to embrace it, believe it, and live it. I wanted a hallowed spirit of confidence to be my anthem. The problem was, after spending so many years feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, I didn’t really know who I was. I had sort of pieced together a false personality based on attributes that people seemed to admire in my friends or what I thought was expected of me.

She mixes her life story, her testimony, with lots of witty humor and with God’s word, and how she’s learned from it over the years.

The problem was that I had let myself be defined by other people. I had set my guidelines by other flawed humans rather than by the spirit of who I was created to be. Defining ourselves by the narrow perspective of another person limits us to only a small portion of our potential. It creates boundaries and restrictions where God intended for us to experience freedom. Seriously, that’s not my opinion, that’s in the actual Bible: “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Cor. 3:17).

It’s one thing to know you are insecure, but this book takes it to a whole new level as it challenges you to learn that God didn’t make you to be insecure…to set unrealistic expectations for yourself and your life as a mom/wife/employee/homemaker/etc. And how to change.

I remember my husband and I discussing my dislike of cooking when we were engaged, declaring my insistence that I would enjoy it when we were married. “Then I’ll be cooking as a wife. It will be, like, my job,” I told him emphatically. It’s so cute how naïve I was. I truly believed that once we said, “I do,” I would be blessed with Martha Stewart-esque domestic skills and that I would count it all joy because that’s what I’d been taught about biblical womanhood. So you can see how it was slightly confusing to me when I felt less like counting it all joy and more like throwing my spatula across the room the sixth time I burnt our dinner black.

I read this book pretty slowly. Much due to the busy life I have with the three kids and all that we are uncles in as a family, but I decided I liked it more in short sessions–a little laughter with a challenge during my little one’s nap time. I personally wouldn’t recommend rushing through it, though it is not a hard read at all!

The Word is our metamorphosis, coming to life within us, and we emerge stretching damp gossamer wings of grace.

If you are a woman/wife/mom, this book is for you. I am not sure that I have ever read a more open and honest book. It was refreshing to feel that I’m not alone in my innermost thoughts and fears, and that there are others who not only have been there, but have found their way away from their fears and insecurities and straight to God’s grace and confidence in who He designed them to be.

You can find your copy here using my affiliate link:

I received this book for free from B&H Publishing Group Blogger Program for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

10 Things I’d Tell My 20-year-old Self

marsha0727 — Tue, 01 May 2018 17:52:23 +0000

I’m getting close to that next threshold of ages on surveys…you know, when you can no longer be grouped with that 20-35 group? And, I must admit, it makes me feel old! I’ll be officially closer to 40 than 30. That’s right…I’m almost 36…eek! And in my “old” age, I’ve spent more time lately in retrospect…not living in regret, but thinking of what I want to make sure I teach my daughters as they much-to-quickly grow up in front of my very eyes. So, here’s a few things that came to mind when I considered what things I’d tell my 20-year-old self:

Don’t rush into living buying the “American Dream”…when we got engaged and married, there were things you were just “supposed” to have and do. You were supposed to be working toward buying your first house. You were supposed to have certain pieces of furniture…real china place settings…and so on and so forth. But, looking back, I think of the many “things” we hurriedly purchased or requested as gifts that are seldom (if ever) used. I think of how we so early in our journey together, put ourselves in holes financially that we would end up spending years to get out of…all because we thought that was just “what you do”. Don’t be afraid to live WITHIN your means…even if it is different that what the norm is. Just enjoy life together.
And, since it goes right along with the previous statement… Material things really are just things, and they don’t last. The older I get, the more I realize how little the “things” mean…and how much stress and clutter (physically and emotionally) they add. Be mindful of getting necessities and non-necessities confused. No, it isn’t wrong to have nice things, but don’t try to find happiness and fulfillment in things…you’ll fall short every time.
One of the biggest things I’d tell a “younger” me…Travel abroad while you’re young and not in the midst of parenthood. When I was young and just married, I wanted to hurry to get that “American Dream” style life much too quickly. I wanted a dog…and when I had a dog, I wanted a house…and when I had a house…I wanted a child…and, well, everything changes after that. Looking back, although we were young and in love and growing closer to each other daily, we didn’t give ourselves much time to travel and enjoy the world together. We always planned for those moments…we dream of those moments even now…but those dreams often have to take a side seat to life with kids. I’m not saying that you can’t travel with kids or while you have kids, but I am saying that you have way more responsibilities (physically and financially) once kids are in the picture. So, if you have the chance, don’t rush so fast into that cookie-cutter life you think you should have as a couple. Live a little…see new things…find passions together…don’t run so fast to the next stop on your journey that you forget to enjoy the views along the way.
Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks you should be doing. I’ve always been a people-pleaser…I’ve spent my life trying to please everyone else, even when it made me unhappy…because, well, that is just me. But, in my “old age”, I’ve realized that it’s okay if I’m not doing everything exactly as someone else thinks I should. I’m not going to please everyone ever…and I don’t have to. In life, if I am doing what God has led me to do, then I’m doing exactly what I should be. Is it easy to be different from the crowd? NO. Do I still find myself comparing myself to others? Yes. But, I’m working daily to remember this…and it’s something that even at their young ages, I’m trying to teach my kids.
Make time to learn life skills alongside of your grandparents/parents while you have them able to teach. This is still a hard one for me. I lost my grandmother last year to dementia/Alzheimer’s, and still to this day, there are so many things I wish I had spent more time asking her or learning from her. But you see, when I was young, I couldn’t imagine needing, let alone wanting to know those “old” ways. Then, when I was in my early adult years, I was away at college and then busy starting my own life away from home. And, before I knew it, I had kids and longed for those days to return when I could spend the day with my grandmother and learn, when instead, I was taking care of my own little ones. I don’t think there is ever enough time with your loved ones…and, even had I spent every day with my grandma before her passing, I’d still want more. But, if you do still have grandparents, soak in their stories…ask them about your heritage…learn some of their how-to tricks. Those things are so hard to learn when they are gone. And, I promise you, you will want it one day…one day when it just may be too late to get it.
Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart…it isn’t easy…ever! But it’s single-handedly three of the greatest blessings I’ve ever had in life. It’s full of scary responsibility, and sometimes, I’d love to hide from that responsibility (I think most would say the same). You’ll make a million mistakes…and they are great at keeping you humble in so many ways…but I wouldn’t take anything for my kids and all that they have and are teaching me as they grow up and I grow “old”. The days are sometimes oh so long, but the years are gone in a blink!
Life isn’t easy…and trials…hard times are guaranteed to come. We so often live in a “Hallmark movie” dream world…where there are always happy endings…life just somehow “works out” before the movie ends. But, that’s guaranteed not to be real life. There will be great moments — bask in them…but there will also be sad ones…challenging ones…incomprehensible ones. And you aren’t always going to be prepared for them in the ways that you feel you should be, because you never see them coming. But, I remind myself often…God has never failed me…and I fail myself often…so there is no reason for me to ever question our journey, but just learn from it and find joy in it. It doesn’t have to be easy to be enjoyable. Often, the hardest journeys in our life have been the very things that brought us the closest to each other and to God.
Be willing to forgive…over and over again. We are human…we live life with humans…and we are never going to be perfect. People have and will continue to hurt you, intentionally and unintentionally. Make a decision now to be forgiving of others…again and again and again. Do it for yourself. It will affect others, but it will affect you in ways you cannot even fathom.
Marriage isn’t 50/50…it’s 100/100. This is one time that math doesn’t work. If you only put 50% effort into your marriage and your spouse only puts 50% effort into it, even though it adds up mathematically to 100%, it truly only equals a half effort at best…and that isn’t enough to survive, let alone thrive in a lifelong marriage relationship. Marriage is 100% from both…giving it your best…your all…every day. And, if you do that…you’ll both see that effort pay off in ways even movies couldn’t dream of portraying.
Live with NO REGRETS. We all know this, but sometimes you get those sobering reminders (I’ve had quite a few lately)…life isn’t guaranteed…tomorrow, even the next hour isn’t a sure thing. If you love someone, make sure they know it. Don’t go to bed angry…make amends as soon as you can…even if your pride has to take a hit. Don’t put off snuggles, pillow talk, bedtime stories, or sunset walks til tomorrow…none of us know how long God has planned for us to have here on earth with our families. Make time to live in the now, seizing the moments we have today, and never give yourself any reason to look back with regret.

So…this isn’t an “exhaustive” list by any stretch. But as I think on life now, and things that I’ve learned over the last almost 16 years, these are the things that stick out the most. What would you say to your 20-year-old self?

Mommy Guilt 101

marsha0727 — Fri, 22 Apr 2016 20:23:00 +0000

First off, let me preface by saying that I am going to be totally candid with you in this post…in hopes that maybe I am not alone or just weird. (Well, we all know I am at least a little weird, but you know what I mean!)

Marriage and Motherhood are two of the best and biggest life choices I have ever made (next to my faith in Jesus Christ)! And they are also the most challenging and most rewarding of anything I have ever done! I wouldn’t take my life, my husband, my marriage, my kids, or my stay-at-home mom life for ANYTHING!! But did I mention that it is hard?! Here’s to living life and learning how to LOVE life while living, even when it’s tough. Join in — this blog needs your interaction so we can learn from and be encouraged by one another. I know I can’t be the only mom who struggles with Mommy Guilt! So, here goes nothing…

Am I the only mom who feels like she battles daily? Not just over what shoes my almost two-year-old will wear, or with the older kids over who’s turn it was to feed the pets. But what I like to call “Me” battles — battles I face against myself and my guilt!

Here’s an example:

Me {thoughts each morning}: My husband works hard all day long to provide for our family, giving me the ability to stay home with the kids. I long to welcome my husband home with a clean {or at least a non-tornado zone} house, a big smile and “welcome home” kiss, and an empty recliner to relax in as I complete dinner, as a small, but oh-so deserved “Thank you” to him! And, I can’t forget the kids in this — I am so blessed with my kids! I really want to surprise them with homemade muffins for breakfast tomorrow, so they don’t have to eat pop-tarts {cringe} every day…

Me {thoughts each evening}: I have worked all day…I haven’t sat down for even 10 minutes alone. Baking?! {HA!} The house is still a wreck because of the F-3 tornadoes (kids) that follow me everywhere I go, destroying triple what I clean. “MOM!!” Dinner is burning. Homework needs completed, all {needing} my help. “Momma?!” How long ago did the dryer stop?! “Mommy!!!” I still have 3 more loads to go. I can’t believe he just came in and disappeared — 30 minute bathroom breaks alone?! — I’m doing good to sneak away and get 30 seconds. “So, how’s your day been today?” — He’s really wondering what I’ve done all day since it is worse now than when he left…I just know it! “MOMMMM!” Is it bedtime yet???

Okay, so maybe that’s a little exaggerated, but the truth is there…I have such good intentions on being the best wife and mom I can be each day, only to fail each evening with a battle to balance my mom/wife roles with taking care of myself. I can’t ever seem to get “enough” done…ever. But I feel guilty sitting down when so many things are undone. And don’t even get me started about how guilty I feel when my sweet husband sees that I somehow didn’t manage to get the dishes done, so he comes home and starts washing for me. He’s supposed to relax after a long day’s work. But then, wait! When he does sit down (even on the toilet) to relax (haha, if that’s what you consider it), why do I then feel jealous and frustrated because I’m still fussing at the kids to get their homework finished?!

Over the last year, I’ve slowly learned that I am a better wife and mom when I carve out “me” time. I fight with the guilty feeling every time I ask for my husband to watch the kids so I can go out for a bit…guilt because he deserves a break, too….guilt because he’s worked all day…guilt because “if I were the mom/wife I should be, I wouldn’t be asking to go away, but would want all the time I could get with them!”…guilt that In leaving him with cranky kids and a long list of un-dones (my new name for my to-do list)…guilt guilt guilt. But, after I go, each time I come back feeling thankful and happy to have had some adult interaction or maybe even a little quiet thinking time, neither of which are norms for my stay-at-home-mom life….I feel renewed and ready to face another week with the attitude that I’ve been trying so hard to have and keep.

So, I know it helps…and I know I don’t ask too often…so, why is it such a daily battle? Why do I feel guilty for taking off my Mommy hat to take care of me? Why do I let my failures of each day build up until I can’t handle anymore, which leads to an ugly cry on my husband’s shoulder after the kids go to bed, which immediately tells him that I need a little me time? Why do we hold to so many unnatural, unattainable goals we are “supposed” to have/do as moms/wives?

I’m still learning — I’ve finally pin-pointed at least part of the problem for me…Mommy guilt, which directly leads to my lack of care for the “me” as Mommy/Wife. Now, to work through the solutions.

Now for the interactive part of the post…
How do YOU balance the life/motherhood/marriage with your own you time? Do you have Mommy Guilt? How do you get past it? {Please don’t tell me it’s just me!} What secrets have you found to help {you know, besides going to sleep in hopes that it’ll be different tomorrow}? My husband is so sweet and supportive and wants to help, but, other than suggesting that he tell me to go out for a bit, I don’t know how to tell him to help. What does your husband do to help?

Top 20 Bucket List

marsha0727 — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 16:02:00 +0000

For years (way too many to acknowledge), I have seen and heard other people make bucket lists — things they want to do in their lifetime. Though the thought of it was intriguing, I have found it hard to write down my own bucket list, as it makes those thoughts and dreams known to someone outside of my own imagination…which means, I may be held accountable to them. And for me, a perfectionist — a people-pleaser — and an extreme introvert, that’s a scary thing!

But, dreams don’t just fall into my lap…if I really want to do something, I have to get out of my comfort zone and act on it!

So, here they are…my personal top 20 {big} bucket list goals/dreams (at least, currently)…in no particular order. No time limit set for my goals yet, but that will come as my better-half and I sit down and talk about our dreams together. I’m looking forward to hearing his bucket list, and share in our journeys together.

*pictures are for emphasis only, and are not my own (since I haven’t been there/done that…yet).

What are some of your {big} bucket list items?? I’d love to hear them!

Throwback Thursday | Anniversary Edition

marsha0727 — Thu, 13 Aug 2015 13:39:00 +0000

Tomorrow we will be celebrating 11 years of marriage! I am so thankful God gave me such a wonderful husband and best friend!! I am looking forward to many more anniversaries to come.

So, in honor of our anniversary, a few “throwbacks” from our wedding day…an unseasonably cool Saturday, August 14th…11 years ago.

I love you, Baby! Looking forward to celebrating with you over and over again for the rest of our lives!!

Throwback Thursday | Trip of “FIRSTS”

marsha0727 — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 12:30:00 +0000

I was looking back through old pictures the other day, and ran across these images from 2005…WOW! What memories flood my mind at the sight of these. So, I thought I’d share them with you, too…

This was a trip of many “firsts” for me…some planned…some not-so-much…some good…some, well…

This was my first trip on a plane…ever…anywhere. And it started with me getting to the airport {hours from home} with no picture ID to show to board the flight {thanks to those pesky little “hidden” coin compartments in the bank teller envelopes, that so easily hid my license from me…and what’s that old saying again? Out of sight, out of mind…well, yeah…totally true…until you are in line ready to board the plane in another state. What a start to my first plane trip! haha} But, God provided a way, and I was able to board the plane with my mission team and my husband.

This was my first trip out of the U.S….my first steps onto foreign soil. {Which proved interesting due to my prior post about my ID not being in my possession for the first part of the Mexico mission trip. I definitely don’t recommend this, but, BOY!, does it give you stories to tell and memories to laugh about!}

And, my first trip to beautiful desert land…

which also happens to be where lots of nightmare-ish creapy crawlies like to hide…everywhere…

My first time putting my hands to work putting together God’s Word for people that longed to have their own copy…treasured it…read it…shared it with their family and friends. Over 10,000 copies handed out for what the average household spends on a mortgage for one month…

And, my first true “culture shock” seeing the conditions in which so many lived, but yet were so happy/content/thankful for what they had {which was seemingly nothing in comparison to our lives}.

This was a trip of many “firsts” for me…but, I pray, not the last! I hope that we can one day be able to bring our kids to Bearing Precious Seed Ministries and let them put their hands on missions work, printing, making, and sharing God’s precious Word to those who still need to hear of His love for them.

What memories…what challenges…what blessings…what answers to prayer God gave us in this week of “firsts”!

Monday Break-up

marsha0727 — Mon, 03 Aug 2015 15:37:00 +0000

Anyone else with me on this one?!

Throwback Thursday | Our Dating Years

marsha0727 — Thu, 23 Jul 2015 15:04:00 +0000

Look at us! Almost 13 years ago!! Wow! Where does the time go?! But I will say, I am so blessed beyond measure with the husband, confidant, and best friend God chose to send into my life so many years ago. And I love this man more and more each and every day!!

These were taken when we had been dating about 8 months (November 2002). Photos courtesy of my sweet and very talented college friend, Dru, at the University of Mobile campus

Time…

marsha0727 — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 19:52:00 +0000

Lately, it seems our family has been lacking…time.

Time to get everything finished when needed. Time to visit with friends and family. Time to rest. Time to buy groceries. Time to cook those groceries. Time to keep up with business, bills, and appointments. Time to workout. Time to read. Time to talk. Time to slow down and enjoy the blessing God has so richly blessed our family with.

{YES} I know we all have the same 24 hours in a day, so we aren’t technically lacking time…but our lives have felt as if it’s been cut in half!

SO…in an effort to slow down and focus on our family, who has been most affected by our “lack” of time the past couple of months, we grabbed our cameras, our coats, and our sunglasses, and headed out to enjoy an evening of nothing but family time.

TIME to talk. TIME to laugh.

TIME to eat together.

TIME to read God’s word and pray together.

TIME to relax and breathe deep.

TIME…to be still.

TIME…just family TIME.

Thankful Thursday

marsha0727 — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 17:33:00 +0000

There are some things we always think of to list on our “thankful” lists…Jesus Christ, and the salvation He gave to each of us who believes…family and friends who stick by us through thick and thin…shelter and food God provides for us each day…clothes to keep us warm (or cool) depending on the season…a church faithfully preaching the Word of God, seeking to glorify God in all things…

But there are so many things that are much too often overlooked, that I am thankful for…things that at first glance may appear a bit odd or trivial to be thankful for…but things that remind me of how blessed I truly am!

loud laughs

fingerprinted mirrors, windows, and walls

holding hands

quiet snickers and whispers at bedtime

post-it note surprises

little shoes scattered from room to room

piles of laundry to wash and fold

little fingers and toes

butterfly & bunny kisses

homeschooling opportunities

little ones wrapped around my legs

snuggle time

sincere cries

warm days

faith-building circumstances in life

children singing, off-tune or not

new adventures

movie night

cold pillows

child’s excitement about anything

love…true love

answered prayers

unanswered prayers

missing kitchen utensils

imagination of a child

boxes and the worlds they open

What “out of the ordinary” blessing are you most thankful for today?